You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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