Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
