dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
