new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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