Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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