Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
