Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
