when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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