is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
