I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
