we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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