Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
