Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
