It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I stole a fireplace last night.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
