He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
