so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
