i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
