god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
