A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
