so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
