in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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