Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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