4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
