New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
