oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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