I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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