am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
