people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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