Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
