you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
