hell yes lets make some ravioli
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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