sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
