At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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