I wanna bring you to show and tell
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
