Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
