You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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