You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
