He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
