do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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