shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
