Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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