The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
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3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
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And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize