"it" just moved
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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