you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You're like the curious george of whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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