i think my mom watched the whole time
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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