If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
