My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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