Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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