How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
