so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
