Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
