At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
