I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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