Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
