we made out on top of his cat.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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