I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
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The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
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Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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