A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
