I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
