I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
it's great music for shaving your balls
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
