i wish there were pregnant emoticons
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
