All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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