were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
