Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
