i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
