no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
