she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
