Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he was CRYING into my vagina
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
