You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
