Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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