dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
