Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
