We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
