i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
