walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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