Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
