I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
