First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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