thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
