see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
