i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
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you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
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Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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