she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
