You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
