I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
