So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
